Gladetrench High
by Toeses
Summary: This is a fanfic about Blackadder but it all takes place at a high school. it contains will contain most of the characters in the Blackadder universe, and plenty of classic Blackadder jokes. Follow the adventures of Edmund as he makes his way through his biggest adventure yet... Highschool! Warning: Has some bad language and innuendo.
1. Chapter 1 - Oh, God

The engine of a motorcycle revved to life, as Edmund Blackadder climbed onto the motorcycle. It was September 1st, the first day of school. Edmund sped down the road straight to the high school. He arrived at the school, parked his motorcycle, and walked in. He saw three people walk down the hall. One of them was his great uncle, the principal, Mr. Richard the 3rd.

"Who's that!?" Mr. Richard the 3rd asked his nephew, Edmund's dad, Mr. Richard the 4th.

"I don't know sir. I'll ask my son," Mr. Richard the 4th answered, "Harry! Who is that?!"

Harry, Edmund's older brother, said, "It's your other son, sir."

"It is my other son." Mr. Richard the 4th said to Mr. Richard the 3rd.

"Does he go to this school?" Richard the 3rd asked.

"Harry, What is his name?" Richard the 4th asked his eldest son.

"His name is Edmund, sir." Harry answered.

"EDNA!" Mr. Richard the 4th screamed.

"Yes… Sir?" Edmund said.

"Do you go to this school?!" Richard the 4th asked/screamed.

"That's why I'm here… sir…" Edmund answered.

"YES, He does go here!" Richard the 4th yelled. The two men continued as Harry and Edmund went to class.

Once they reached class, what Edmund thought was a small monkey creature ran up to him and excitedly said, "Blackadder!"

"What is this strange monkey in front of me? Oh, It's Baldrick," Edmund said after realizing who it was.

"Who is this… Blackadder?" Harry asked confused.

Edmund then said, "It's my nickname…"

"_Self_-given nickname!" Someone said.

"Who dares make fun of… Oh. Hello Darling," Edmund said sadly.

"That's Kevin Darling to you! Anyway, you gave yourself the nickname," Darling said sarcastically.

"Oh, well I'm going to go talk to my friends, Farewell Brother!" Harry said and then left to talk his dim-witted friends. Then, Edmund's other two friends walked up, Percy Percy and George St. Barleigh.

"Eh, what what! Tally ho, Blackadder and all that jazz!" George said excitedly.

"George talk like a normal human being, for goodness sake," Edmund said meanly.

"Oh, yes of course, of course, What hole!... Oh, blast it all in pudding! I've done it again!" George replied trying to speak as normal as he can.

"So who's our teacher this year?" Edmund asked.

Percy answered, "Well, his name is Mr. Wells. Hey nonny-nonny, Have you had a haircut?"

"Baldrick call the police, I'm absolutely sure Percy here is a drooling pervert," Edmund said, "And, Who the hell is _Mr. Wells_?!"

"I'll tell you who _Mr. Wells _is! I am Mr. Wells, and I am your teacher! Have you kids seen any babies around, I'm mighty hungry. No? Nevermind. Everyone to their seats!" Mr. Wells said.

Then Edmund said, "Oh, God, This is gonna be a long year."


	2. Ch 2 - It's the principal, actually!

_Thanks Pliffy for the review. I like the ideas and plan to use some of them. The relationships will be canon (but possibly expanded since most are one episode long). Examples include: The Spanish Infanta, Princess Leia of Hungary, Kate (aka Bob), and Nurse Fletcher-Brown. By the way, the reason I made the Bishop of Bath and Wells the teacher is because there wasn't anyone who seemed much like a teacher in Blackadder so I chose him. Also, I'm going to start calling Edmund, Blackadder. WARNING: I do not own the character's of this show, if I did there would definitely be a remake or continuation. On to the story!_

"Sorry kids," Mr. Wells explained, "Just my attempt at being funny… And I was funny! Laugh, LAUGH!" Everyone immediately started laughing the best they could after he said that.

"It's a miracle! I think I've found someone with a smaller brain than yours," Blackadder said to Percy, George, and Baldrick.

"That is a miracle! Wait…" George said.

"Okay, let's see who's here," Mr. Wells said, "Baldrick?"

"Here!" Baldrick exclaimed.

"Funny, there isn't a first name, What's your first name you little twit!?"

"I'm not sure, but I do know my name is Baldrick," Baldrick stated.

"Yes we know, Sod-Off, Baldrick!" The class yelled.

"I'll just mark you as S. Baldrick then…" Mr. Wells mumbled to himself, as he went on down the list, "Edmund… Blackadder or Richard? It says both."

"Blackadder! You fat git…" Blackadder said, mumbling the last part.

"That better not be sass, or I'll whip you until there's no tomorrow! Oh, wait. Whipping is illegal. What a shame. Anyway, Sally Cheapside, Emma Curtis, Kevin Darling, Sophie Elton, Maria Escalosa, Rick Flashheart, Mary Fletcher-Brown, Jane Goodall, Amy Hardwood, Phillip Hawkins, Samuel Johnson, Leia King, Dougal MacAngus, Anthony Melchett, Helen Miggins, Kate Parkhurst, Percy Percy, Simon Pitt Jr, Elizabeth Queen, Walter Raleigh, Harry Richard, Ludwig Schmidt, George St. Barleigh, and Henry Tudor?"

"Here!" The class shouted in reply.

"Good, good," Mr. Wells said, "Well, I'm your homeroom teacher, and I teach geography…"

_Let's skip ahead to the end of the day. The middle part is unimportant._

"I'm going home, Uncle Richard," Mr. Richard the 4th said.

"I'll stay here a bit," Mr. Richard the 3rd replied.

"Oh, I can wait if you want," Richard the 4th said.

"No, it's fine." Richard the 3rd said, "I mean, I'm the principal, I can find myself a transport!" Richard the 4th left in his car. Five minutes later, Richard the 3rd left his office and looked around for a vehicle with the keys in it. "Ah, there's a motorcycle with the keys," Richie 3 thought to himself. Whereas Blackadder walked out of the school and looked across the parking lot to see a strange man climbing onto his motorcycle. As he ran towards the man, Blackadder pulled a textbook out of his backpack. "Hey!" Blackadder yelled, "That's my CYCLE!" He then struck the man on the back of the head, knocking him out cold.

"Hmm… Wonder who I knocked out. I can brag to all my friends, and show them I'm even better than them… some more," Blackadder thought to himself as he turned over the unconscious man. "Oh, god it's Uncle Richard, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!" Blackadder screamed. Baldrick then walked out of the school and straight over to Blackadder.

"Ooh, Who'd you knock out? Oh, Richard the 3rd…" Baldrick said once seeing who it was.

"Baldrick! Help me carry the principal to behind the building!" Blackadder commanded as they pulled Richard the 3rd. "Wait, Where's the nametag?" When they walked back around, they saw percy holding up the nametag.

"Oh, Look what I've found!" Percy said.

"Percy!" Blackadder exclaimed, "Give it here!"

"No, It's mine. I will use it to prove that I knocked someone out!"

"And who do you think you knocked out, dare I say?" Blackadder asked sarcastically.

After looking at the nametag, Percy said, "Well, It's the principal actually! Wait… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" They threw the nametag behind the wall, as George walked out of the school, with a strange looking motorcycle sidecar.

"Look what my father had made especially for me and your motorcycle. You just attach it here," George said as he attached it to Blackadder's motorcycle, "See, It has 3 seats! One for me, one for Percy and one even for, um… um… What's your name again, little monkey?"

"Baldrick, sir," Baldrick explained.

"That's it, Tally Ho, BARF BARF!" George retorted annoyingly. They all climbed into the sidecar, and Blackadder hopped on the motorcycle. "Ooh, I can't wait to get home. I've got the newest issue of King and Country waiting at home!" George said excitedly.

"Well, yes, I hope that's all waiting at home," Blackadder said as he, Baldrick, and Percy looked back at the school.


	3. Ch 3 - I'm Bloody Annoyed!

_Not much of an author's note this time. Just gonna say that the reason Richard the 4th suspectes the rival principal, instead of Henry Tudor is because Henry is in Blackadder's class. The name Mike Looney is actually the name of my County's school leader person. Bye!_

_WARNING: I don't own any of the characters from this fanfic._

Blackadder dropped Percy off at his house, and George at his mansion (being son of the mayor had it's perks). Then, Blackadder headed home.

"I'll just hop off," Baldrick said as Blackadder kept driving. Baldrick walked into an alleyway somewhat near Blackadder's house. The final noises Blackadder heard as he drove off was, "Oh No! It's the evil spirit again!" Blackadder's house was a fairly large Victorian style home. It was 3 stories and had roughly 10 bedrooms. It had a large kitchen, living room and yard. In the backyard, they had a pool. Blackadder parked in the driveway, and walked through the front door. His father was sitting on the couch watching WWE.

"Hello, Father…" Blackadder said sarcastically. Richard the 4th, not even noticing him, continued watching TV. Blackadder walked to his room, the shabbiest room in the house. His family had a lot of money, but none of it seemed to ever come to him… so he had to go to it. He sat in his room doing his homework when Blackadder's mother walked into the room.

"Edmund," Gertrude, his mother, said, "How was your day?"

"Fine, mom. Except for Richard the 3rd…" Edmund answered, trailing off at the end.

What, about Richard the 3rd!?" Gertrude asked.

"Well someone's beat him up and knocked him out, obviously!" Blackadder said right before he facepalmed for saying that.

"Richard the 3rd is hurt!?" Gertrude asked, "Oh dear…" She then left the room, as Blackadder thought of a way to get himself out of this mess. Gertrude then walked to the lavish living room and asked her husband, Richard the 4th, "How was your day, dear?"

"It was fantastically good, woman!" Richard the 4th said, excitedly.

"All except for Richard the 3rd getting knocked out," Gertrude replied.

"What!?" Richard the 4th exclaimed, "Who told you that?!"

"Well, Edmund," Gertrude answered.

"Edwin!" Richard the 4th called.

Blackadder walked into the living room and sarcastically said, "Yes, father?"

"Why did you say Richard the 3rd was knocked out?!" Richard the 4th asked.

"Well, because I heard he was. Actually, he might have only been cut… or maybe hurt. Yes, yes! That's it! He wasn't hurt at all I think. What, did someone say he's been knocked out?" Blackadder retorted.

Harry walked in the house carrying the unconscious Richard the 3rd. "Yes!" He said, "I found him like this. He's unconscious!" The family then took him to the town's hospital. They said he was in a blunt force trauma induced coma.

"Good, they don't suspect me!" Blackadder thought to himself.

Then, the doctor said, "The only curious thing is that this could not be self induced. Someone must have hit him."

"Damn, damn, DAMN!" Blackadder thought to himself.

"And we all know who did this, don't we?" Richard the 4th said, "The principal of Desert Cliff High, Mike Looney!" Blackadder started nodding wildly. They went back to the house, and Blackadder invited Baldrick to come to his house to tell him of his good fortune.

"Ah, Baldrick. I've invited you here to tell you that no one suspects me of putting old Uncle Dicky in a coma," Blackadder said.

"Good Job, sir!" Baldrick said excitedly. Then, Harry walked into the room.

"Good afternoon, Edmund!" Harry said, "How many middle schoolers did you beat up today?"

"What?" Blackadder asked.

"You see, I had a bet with my friend Dougal, that you would beat up at least five middle schoolers today. He bet against you," Harry answered, "So how many you beat up?" Baldrick opened his hand to show a four.

"Four, four…" Blackadder said. Then, Blackadder opened his hand to show five. "Hand, hand, Handred. 400… hand, hand, _and_ Fifty!" Blackadder finished.

"450! Well done, Edmund!" Harry said as he left happily. That night Blackadder went to sleep, knowing that this was going to be a bloody annoying year.


	4. Ch 4 - The First Baah!

_This chapter was originally supposed to include the trial itself, but I'm trying to keep each chapter from 500 to 700 words so I split it into two chapters. Sorry this chapter took so long t put up, but I was having computer trouble. The reason there are "new students" is because I forgot them when I wrote chapter two. Hope you enjoy. BAAH!_

Two weeks passed, and nothing much happened. Three students were transferred to Mr. Wells' class: Don Speekingleesh, Mollie Stuart, and Corrine Edente.

"Blackadder," Baldrick said

"Yes, Baldrick?" Blackadder replied.

"I believe I have a crush," Baldrick answered.

"What unlucky, wet girl could you, possibly, have a crush on?" Blackadder retorted.

"The new girl, Mollie," Baldrick answered. Blackadder simply shook his head and walked to his seat.

"Well, class," Mr. Wells said, as everyone went to their seats, "Once a year, we are required to hold a mock trial, and I thought let's bloody get it over with. I'll be passing around the a basket, pick your role from it. Oh, and some of you will be spectators, cause there's not enough jobs."

_I'll just tell you who got the jobs._

_Defendant : Edmund Blackadder_

_Defense Attorney : George St. Barleigh_

_Plaintiff : Samuel Johnson_

_Prosecutor : Kevin Darling_

_Judge : Anthony Melchett_

_Witnesses : Sod-Off Baldrick, Henry Tudor, Sally Cheapside, Maria Escalosa, and Dougal MacAngus_

_Foreperson : Walter Raleigh_

_Jury : Kate Parkhurst, Amy Hardwood, Phillip Hawkins, Mary Fletcher-Brown, Helen Miggins, Don Speekingleesh, Emma Curtis, Sophie Elton, Mollie Stuart, Leia King, Harry Richard_

_Court Clerk : Simon Pitt Jr._

_Court Reporter : Ludwig Schmidt_

_Bailiff : Rick Flashheart_

_Spectators : Percy Percy, Elizabeth Queen (aka Queenie) , Corrine Edente, and Jane Goodall_

"You kids can talk strategy or whatever," Mr. Wells said, "We do it tomorrow!"

"What?!" Queenie said, "I'm but a mere spectator!"

"It's okay," Percy said, "I'm a spectator too!"

"Well, yes you, but what about me! I'm special!" Queenie retorted.

"Oh, great," Blackadder thought, "I've got the absolutely the worse Defense Attorney, in the world."

"Pip, pip, hello governor!" George said, as he walked over to Blackadder, "I'm glad to be defending you in cart!"

"I believe you mean "in court"," Blackadder corrected.

"I don't see why we would do it in the mall," George replied.

"What?" Blackadder asked.

"Well, you said we would have the mock trial in a food court" George answered.

"No, I said we would have it in court… Oh, never mind. It would be like trying to teach physiology to a frenchman who didn't speak english,"

"Well, yes, quite. Well, I will try my best to prove you to be not guilty!" George exclaimed.

"Well, you should be of no help," Blackadder said. That is when Samuel Johnson (the plaintiff, aka victim,) and Kevin Darling (The Prosecuting attorney) walked up to the pair.

"Well sir," Samuel Johnson said, "I will take immense gratification in overwhelming your person in the vicinity of cloister!"

"What are you saying, old boy!?" George asked.

"I believe he's trying to say, he will enjoy beating us in court," Blackadder answered.

"I'll be looking forward to it too," Darling said, "When I finally prove you to be who you really are, a liar, a bounder, and a cad."

"Well, I can say, I've never been one for liars, bounders, and cads!" George replied.

"Quite," Blackadder said, before he left the conversation.

"Where are you going?" George asked him.

"I'm going to talk to the only intelligent person in the room," Blackadder replied.

"Who?" George asked again.

"Me!" Blackadder exclaimed. Darling also left the conversation, pursuing Blackadder, when he ran into Melchett.

"Baah!" Melchett said, "I've been appointed Judge over this case, so I shan't be biased!"

Blackadder, who had overheard the discussion, said, "Ha, as if!"

The rest of the day passed rather quickly. Blackadder went home, went to sleep and woke up the next morning. He dressed in a suit and tie and went to school.


End file.
